Transparent as air, not glass: Radical candor in the workplace
I was in fourth grade and we all had to write a small story using the newly learnt words in the class. It was a weekend assignment. I spent the entire two days creating a story, which had cartoons in them, action, and as well as humour. Whatever the humour was for me in 4th grade, like captain underpants. Pardon me, don’t remember complete details, it's been some time. Exactly 16 years. Come the presentation day, I went on the stage and narrated the story with absolute passion and movement. At the end of the story, my teacher went, “Vineeth, that was not the assignment, you had to use the words as often as you can”. Well, I used it once or twice maybe and focused more on the plot. Anyway, I went completely nuts. I cross-questioned as to why there was no mention of the number of times the words needed to be used. She explained to me, that the whole point is to make you understand the way the words can be used and the task was pretty self-explanatory. It took some time, well years, to realize that she was right. But that was not the point of this memory recital. This whole event is my earliest memory of being defensive to the work I did and the feedback I received.
Feedback, we would love it if it’s good. We hate it when it’s bad. The etymology of the word comes from the electronics as: “a rumbling, whining, or whistling sound resulting from an amplified or broadcast signal that has been returned as input and retransmitted” or “helpful information or criticism that is given to someone to say what can be done to improve a performance, product, etc.” Well, here we are not talking about the original meaning but the new one. We hear all these wonderful quotes about, “Feedback is champions breakfast”, but do we really mean it? Leave out public criticism like for me in the classroom, (Ya, I really can’t let that go), but even private criticism we tend to just be, “Nahhhhh!!!!, that’s not true”, “How can you say that”, “Of course you think that”, and so on.
Totalitarian government is a concept for a form of government or political system that prohibits opposition parties, restricts individual opposition to the state and its claims, and exercises an extremely high degree of control over public and private life. For example, North Korea. Basically, when we hear criticism or negative feedback, our ego takes control, and becomes a totalitarian autocrat leader of our working brain, channelling out everything that’s being said, and creates high walls of defence. It controls the flow of information, thereby controlling the flow of emotions. We tend to be emotional, and like a primate trying to defend its honour and challenge, we start beating our chest like the critic has crossed a line. Well, in most cases he did not. But that’s not your fault, it's your ego. It's basically becoming the boss. And over many years of experience, I can surely say, Ego is not a very good boss. Doesn’t pay well, and makes you work long hours.
Years of not understanding ourselves, and creating a fixed image about how we are, is equally responsible like making Ego the guard of your so-called, fixed principles. Well, people will have opinions and like it or not, you should develop the will to accept, and process, rather than reject. Even when you are the best in what you do, the ego starts becoming a filter, as when you get success, and by the time you reach the heights of power, your filter has become exactly what you want to see. You see what you plan to see, you hear what you want to hear. Have you heard about the popular psychological theory, “Napolean complex”?
Napoleon Bonaparte’s rise and fall are some of the most spectacular in recorded history. He was successful and openly welcomed the French revolution, he wanted no class system and was way ahead of his time. Once a general, and then a self-appointed emperor, he rose to power with quick succession and amazing conquests all across Europe. With good diplomatic relations failing with Russia and Alexander I, he arranged for an army to take over Russia in June 1812. Suffering from lack of food and other resources, and adding on the same the Russian winter, hypothermia was a common sight among soldiers by the end of August. With the fear of a coup by soldiers, Napoleon left the army and ran back to Paris. You must be wondering, “didn’t anybody stop him?”. Well, they might have, I am sure. But one of the traits of Napoleon to study is, again based on the theory I mentioned earlier. He was thin-skinned and prone to self-promotion. His innate insecurities made him acutely sensitive to any criticism. While Napoleon now wielded unprecedented power, he kept striving to build up his image, by censoring the press and eliminating those who spoke up in the legislative assemblies. In short, took the criticism in a negative way, and like a big filter of ego, discarded everything which meant not what he agreed with. The cartoons made for mocking him by the independent press, sometimes even brushed him or hurt him, he would straight away go to people who were his friends, and cheerleaders who would make him feel big. And again inflate his ego.
The whole point of bringing in history and one of the most prominent figures is to understand how our ego is a filter and blocks all critical feedback. And how, even if we are given something helpful to work upon, we go straight away to our cheerleaders and ask all positive things about ourselves. We need a challenging network, a group of people who we know are some of our closest allies, but still give us bare chilling truths and are brutally honest about how we are. Find like-minded people who would appreciate an honest opinion and would stay true in giving feedback. And hence, the title word Radical Candor. Being super critical of someone's work, and showing full openness in sharing their views. It's about caring for that person, and also not fearing if you think something will help him/her. In the same comes the fact that STOP SAYING DONT TAKE PERSONALLY. Because it's upon the receiver how he chooses to take it, it's not the giver's responsibility.
As a recipient of feedback, be respectful. Before switching on the ego, build evidence and events from where the feedback is being generated. Understand the intent and most importantly the meaning of feedback. In fact, if you can go ahead and think feedback as a form of endless data and the source unknown, that will be even more beneficial. We need to start differentiating between people who are genuine and people who love tearing down others. If you notice a person always gives negative feedback and you personally feel they do that more than often without giving anything good, even if there was, then never ask feedback from them.
Let’s start a chain of being transparent and creating a challenging network so that we all be better every day. Give feedback to one person every day, and ask one feedback from them in return, this way you might have seven things every week, to reflect back upon to improve, and if it was good to make it great. Greatness is just a feedback away.
“Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots. There is no failure. Only feedback.”
